Will Meinen | The Tattler
Washington, D.C. – The Tattler uncovered another stunning development in the Rand Paul plagiarism scandal. According to the Kentucky Senator’s 10-year-old son, Paul has a history of plagiarizing bed time stories.
“I can’t remember a time when he didn’t claim to be making up a bed time story while clearly using details from fairy tales or popular, young adult fiction,” said the disgusted fourth grader. “For an entire year he told me the developments of a whimsical boy wizard with remarkable talents. I saw ‘Harry Potter Philosopher’s Stone’ on his nightstand! Who does he think he’s fooling?”
Senator Paul was reached by email for comment.
“I am stunned,” wrote the Senator. “Look, when I’m performing a bed time story I am speaking extemporaneously. It’s off the cuff, and usually I’m tired and have important work that needs my attention. So maybe the ‘Old Lady in the Shoe’ or ‘Tales of King Arthur’ were paraphrased. Apparently I’m going to have to provide footnotes for my bed time stories now. Let me tell you something, if dueling was legal in Kentucky I would challenge my son. I would shoot that boy down.”
Paul’s son was not threatened by the Senator’s comments.
“I have been playing first-player shooter games since I was out of diapers,” said the boy. “I will shoot my own father through the heart before he can raise his gun. Bring it on you narrative hack.”
The young boy puts down his iPhone 5c on his night stand, picks up Orson Scott Card’s “Ender’s Game” and smiles.