Will Meinen | The Tattler
Washington, D.C. — President Obama, after declaring that he would take unilateral action in the planning of his family’s fall break, has conceded to let his wife and two daughters weigh in on the process. “The President is entirely within his rights to make this decision on his own,” explained Secretary of State John Kerry. “However, the President has decided that his family should be given an opportunity to be swayed by his arguments and vote according to their conscience.”
The President believes that Michelle, Sasha, and Malia would benefit from a trip to Martha’s Vineyard; a little golf, some sun, a little swimming. “It’s a light incursion onto the island,” said Obama. “We will be in on Friday and out by Monday. Nobody is going to have their lives changed by a vacation with such a limited scope, but it will send a signal to everyone that the Obama’s take family time very seriously.”
The Obama administration is concerned that his family will not support the President’s plan, “Operation Chill Wave.”
“Look, there is a chance that Michelle and the girls will not go along with the program,” said Press Secretary Jay Carney. “But it’s not like there is a clause in the family charter that requires a family vote to go forward with a holiday.”
“It’s right here,” said Sasha while pointing to the family charter. “Article 1, Section 8, Clause 11: The family by a majority vote shall have Power to declare Vacation, grant Letters of intent to relax, and make Rules concerning the use of days off. The fact is Mom and Malia and I just want to hang out in D.C. You know, go see a movie with friends, hang out at the mall or whatever. Dad won’t listen. He says we are becoming isolationists. He’s always complaining about how dirty my room is, but maybe if we’d stay home once in awhile I’d have time to clean it.”
The media has portended disaster for the President if his family votes to stay in the nation’s capital over the impending fall break, saying that he will lose credibility.
His wife, Michelle, sees it differently.
“Look,” said the First Lady, “we all know that the woman is in charge and that all that patriarchal blustering is a waste of time. I’m just letting him blow off some steam until I get my way.”