The Tattler | Will Meinen
Richmond, VA — “Don’t go in there, it’s a trap!” yelled Colin Powell, the 4-star general and former Secretary of State responsible for making the case for the 2003 invasion of Iraq. The retired General’s wife hurried to the living room to find the decorated military veteran and distinguished civil servant shouting at the flat screen television as the current Secretary of State delivered remarks regarding atrocities in Syria.
“I thought he was watching a scary movie again,” said his wife, Alma Johnson. “He loves ‘The Amityville Horror’ and movies of that ilk.”
Instead Powell of was sitting on the edge of his leather sectional with a bowl of light buttered microwave popcorn as John Kerry supplied evidence of a chemical weapons attack against Syrian citizens by President Bashar al-Assad. Powell responded to references to UN Inspectors and the accounting of chemical weapons stockpiles by covering his head with a blanket and screaming, “run, just run away!” and “look behind you!” while covering his face with his hands.
After Kerry’s remarks concluded pundits for MSNBC began to speculate about likely military action by the United States against the Assad led government in Syria. Powell put down his half eaten bowel of popcorn and said to no one in particular, “I’m not watching this anymore. I already know how it ends.”