Will Meinen | The Tattler
MIAMI, FL — CEO of Burger King recently made controversial remarks at a company picnic about miscegenation, the mixing of different racial groups through marriage, cohabitation, or procreation. The corporate staff and their families were enjoying a free day at Disney World when CEO Bernardo Hees created a stir with his pre-meal blessing.
“I’m so glad to see all my Burger King family here today enjoying the park!” said Hees. “We have a great, classic American barbecue planned for you: burgers, brats, hot dogs and all the sides. Now I don’t know about you but I don’t like my foods to touch so we have provided you with trays that keep the beans separate from the watermelon and the potato salad from creeping in on the chocolate chip cookie. Foods should keep its distance, just like the different races. Am I right? Now let’s pray.”
Several of the BK employees kept their heads up during the blessing, searching their colleagues to validate that their boss had actually made reference to a long ago dispensed form of prejudice.
“Like, half the people prayed and ate their hot dogs like nothing happened,” said Marketing Director, Steve Hydeen. “Did they not hear the leader of our organization openly oppose mixed race couples? I was so appalled I couldn’t decide what condiments to put on my burger. Usually I’m a mustard and pickles only kind of guy, but I ended up with ketchup and sauerkraut.”
The Tattler asked the BK organization for a comment about their employment practices related to mixed race couples. Communications Director Lindsey Botger assured The Tattler that Burger King is an equal opportunity employer and does not discriminate against an employee based on their race/ethnicity or the race/ethnicity of his or her life partner.
“Mr. Hees was expressing his personal view on mixed race relationships. He thinks they are an abomination and that the Bible clearly opposes them. Something about Hittites, Canaanites, and Israelites not fraternizing, I’m not entirely sure. It doesn’t matter. We respect any employee’s right to speak freely about his or her beliefs, as long as they don’t act in violation of company policy or federal law.”
The backlash against the fast food giant has been swift. Mixed race couples participated this week at miscegenation-ins at restaurants across the country. Supporters of the CEO’s comments or his right to make them showed support by ingesting far more sodium or calories than is healthy.
Politicians and celebrities who tweeted pictures of themselves eating BK included Megan McCain, Rick Santorum, Paul Ryan, Billy Baldwin, Ted Nugent, and Gary Busey. Mr. Bussy’s agent claims that the actor new nothing about the controversy, he just enjoys tweeting pictures of himself mid chew.
Mr. Hees was also contacted by The Tattler and asked if he would like to apologize for his hurtful comments.
“Heck no,” said Hees. “We sold a ton of Whoppers this week! We’ve never done more business.”