Will Meinen | The Tattler
OMAHA, Neb. — Dan Krug, a single 32-year-old software engineer, recently opened his first online dating profile after attempting to put a fitted sheet on his queen-sized bed.
“I can’t take it anymore,” said the 5′ 11,” dark-haired man with an ‘athletic build.’ “I need to meet someone in a hurry. Trying to put a fitted sheet on a bed all by myself is so demeaning.”
Krug went on to describe his bedding insecurities while tucking a corner of the sheet under the mattress. He then paused for a moment to contemplate if he had aligned the long side of the sheet correctly with the long side of the bed —sadly, he had not. Krug proceeded to emit a deep sigh as he rotated the sheet to start the process over.
“See this is the worst part. Do you stretch it diagonally or do the top or bottom first? If you do the diagonal thing you have to get on the bed to complete the far corner, which means you’re trying not to fight against yourself while stretching the sheet. I just want to meet a nice girl to help me make the bed.”
After perfunctorily tossing the comforter on the bed, Dan made a pot of coffee and settled into his computer chair to develop a dating profile on several on-line dating sites.
Mr. Krug included pertinent details about himself in the profile: age, occupation, hobbies, desire for children, travel preferences, etc.
The more compelling section of his profile, however, was what he was looking for in a partner.
The following is a wish list of characteristics that Mr. Krug hopes to find in the perfect girlfriend.
Reminds me what day of the week is trash day so as not to create a trash related disaster during summer months
Willing to buy gifts for my family members on their birthdays and sign my name to the card
Won’t get angry if dishes are in the sink for two days, instead gently reminds me that when she gets home from yoga it would be nice if they were done
Puts Netflix back in the sleeve and in the mailbox to ensure a steady flow of entertainment options
Asks if I need to make any deposits at the bank because she is headed that way
Picks up Almond Milk at the store when it runs out mid week
In the first few weeks of spring, will schedule a time for us to go through our closet and get rid of some clothes, which will transition to an inventory of Tupperware to see which of the containers has a lid
Helps me make the bed, and makes sure there is always a clean set of sheets available for house guests
Mr. Krug admitted that his wish list of qualities seemed heavy on household or common life-management activities.
“I don’t care about religious preference or what kind of movies you like. I don’t go to church and I just assume that we won’t both like “The Avengers,” but so what. I’m trying to multi-task without going crazy. I don’t need a best friend, I need someone to remind me that I have a dentist appointment this week, and I’ll remind her that she agreed to cat sit for her friend Susan.”