Will Meinen | The Tattler
OKLAHOMA CITY, OK. – The U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals struck down the Oklahoma legislature’s controversial constitutional amendment banning courts from using Sharia Law. The appellate judges ruled that the measure, called State Question 755, violated the Federal Constitution’s provision stating, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion.” Furthermore, state officials in Oklahoma could point to no case where Sharia Law had taken precedence over state law.
Senator Anthony Sykes, co-sponsor of the bill, called the decision “another example of judges behaving as activists.”
“This is ludicrous. The great people of Oklahoma by a wide margin voted that just in case anybody thought they could, they can’t replace state law with Sharia Law,” explained the Senator. “It’s a necessary contingency plan. We all know that Muslims across the world are collaborating in a clandestine plan to infiltrate our legal system and against near impossible odds institute a Caliphate. Oklahoma has made assurances that this improbable and conspiratorial plot never happens.”
Senator Sykes said that despite the court’s ruling to overturn measure 755, he will continue to introduce legislative measures that protect the rule of law as intended by the founders. In fact, Sykes has turned his paranoia to a new threat: Star Trek Federation Law.
“Do you know how many people attend Star Trek conventions every year?” asked the Senator. “Loads. I don’t have an official statistic obviously but it’s probably in the millions. According to experts, the television series and films provide a framework for a religion. With that religion comes a set of laws outlined in the Constitution of the United Federation of Planets. Space law! Not on my watch will a bunch of pointy-eared, sci-fi extremists infiltrate our society. James T. Kirk is no James Madison!”
Not all of Senator Sykes’s colleagues believe that fans of the intergalactic series pose a real and serious threat to citizens of the Sooner State.
Representative Cory Williams has been a casual fan of “Star Trek” for some time, specifically the Next Generation crew.
“I really like Picard as commanding officer. His mellifluous voice and strong guiding hand have provided me with a template for public service. I think my colleague, Senator Sykes, is over reacting in this case to an innocuous entertainment phenomenon. Star Trek fans like the mythology and enjoy dressing up in costume, but that doesn’t make them a threat to the American way of life. Also Security Chief Tasha Yar is super sexy.”
Senator Sykes was incredulous when presented with Mr. William’s statement.
“That is exactly what I would say if my end goal was to take power and enforce my beliefs on an unsuspecting public. Hey Troy, we the Greeks are giving up on our siege. Don’t mind this wooden horse we left behind. I’m not going to pull that horse inside my inner sanctum. There is nothing Mr. Williams or any of his Romulan fascists can say that will sway me from my belief of a conspiracy by fanatics, Trekkies they call themselves, to penetrate all facets of this great country. You can teleport all you want, Mr. Williams. I’ll stick to driving my 2007 Dodge Dakota club cab, thank you very much.”